


Never Was Good With Goodbyes

by Gonardo



Series: steve bucky one shots [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Forgiveness, Healing, Hurt Steve, M/M, PTSD, civil war spoilers, pre slash, unselfishness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:44:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gonardo/pseuds/Gonardo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve was never good with goodbyes, they were always too painful. Like with his mom, fallen soildiers... Especially when it comes to Bucky</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Was Good With Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't watch the movie yet, though I hope to see it soon. But there are spoiler like things here, just wanted to clear that up.
> 
> Steve gets really down about things, I don't go into great detail, but just enough. Hopefully nothing will trigger anyone, and if I missed a tag please let me know.
> 
> I love Bucky Barnes, the character has been through so much, and yet he continues on. I named a cat after him, okay? The little runt is scrappy as they come, but will lay on my chest and rub his face against mine. Cats are the best.
> 
> Writing this game me feels. Not beta read, mistakes are my own.

Steve feels his heart break inside his chest, torn beyond recognition. Bucky is standing there, eyes pleading with him. So the captain says nothing, instead he brings his lifelong friend in for a hug. Bucky’s movements feel stilted, but his right arm wraps around the blond, and his posture sags. Steve can feel his eyes burn, tears forming rapidly, but still he says nothing.

Bucky pulls back, expression soft, relieved. He knows that he has to let the brunet make this choice, something he hasn’t been able to do for a while now. The man is weary, tired of attacking everyone; good or not.

“Thanks,” Bucky says softly. Steve just nods.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” he says despite his throat closing up on him.

“I know,” the former asset says with a small smile.

“I’m going to miss looking for you.”

“I think you meant to say is, what will I ever do without Bucky looking after my ass.” Gives a wink, and Steve fees like he’s sixteen again. “But then, you have Sam for that. Tell him I said thanks.”

“I will, but one day you will be able to do it yourself.” Steve cups the other man’s face, watching as blue gray eyes widen a fraction. “Should I leave?”

“Could you wait until I go under? Your face is what I usually see in my mind, it’ll be nice to have the real one this time.” Steve’s stomach drops.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“Thanks.” He watches as Bucky walks in freely, slightly tensed up, being cold is not the most comfortable thing in the world. But hopefully it will be over soon, before Steve jumps in there himself, or embarrasses himself some how.

The brunet turns, giving another small smile before raising his hand for a goodbye gesture. Steve can only nod, face red from crying. He watches the process, body feeling both hot and cold. Bucky’s eyes close at the end, face resting in a peaceful manner. It’s done.

Steve stumbles out and rushes to the bathroom where he empties the contents of his stomach. Letting out a keening sound soon after, everything hurts. And nothing is fair. He doesn’t know how much time passes, lying there until Sam comes for him. The man gives him a sad look before reaching for him, and Steve lets himself be pulled up into a standing position.

He remains in a fog for days, not eating or sleeping much. He just sits there, staring straight ahead, unseeing. It takes several days to answer with words, short and blunt. Sam just shakes his head and cleans up after him for a bit, but then stops. Steve will have to come to terms with it soon enough, and he won’t hold his hand the whole way. Some things you just have to do yourself.

*

Things between he and Tony are pretty shitty at first, but then they get better. Slowly Tony he forgives him, and in the process, himself. “You knew the good side of my father, and I admit that I was quite jealous of that, still am if I’m honest with myself. Sorry for how things turned out, Steve. Hang in there, okay?”

Fury gives him missions across seas, trying to keep his mind busy. Steve is thankful for it. He and Sharon become friends, but realize that they just aren’t quite right for each other. She is defintaley Peggy’s niece, that’s for sure. God, he misses Peggy.

He yearns for his friends, times weren’t the greatest back then. Some of his commadres went away heroes, came back to the same situation, treated like the plague because their skin was different. Steve was ignorant of it, because he never seen things that way, still doesn’t. But is fully aware that others do.

He gets into an accident, though the blond doesn’t recall what happened. He wakes up to four gray walls, and no way out. His head hurts, and it hurts to move. Time passes, he grimaces as his bladder screams at him. The smell of stale urine hurts his nose, almost as much as his throat due to the thirst.

Everything is in a fog, and feels like a dream when a man in black stalks into the room. The gait is oddly familiar, as are the thick thighs. Eyes the color of steel mixed with the sky look into his. “Come on buddy, I got you.” An arm whirs as the brunet helps him up. “A little bit more and we’ll get you looked after.”

“I know you,” Steve slurs out.

“Of course you do. Almost there.” The blond’s head drops forward, strength gone. When he wakes next, he is warm. He grimaces at the pain from thirst when a cup is placed by his lips, he wraps them around the straw and draws cool liquid in steady gulps. It gets taken away, and he grouses, but deep down he knows its for the best.

He hears people above the beeping machines, feels fingers brush his skin. The man from his dreams is there the whole time…

*

“Hey,” Bucky starts.

“Hey,” Steve returns, feeling better, but still not fully healed.

“It’s a good thing we got you when we did. Things looked pretty bad. Sam was about to go hulk, much to Bruce’s dismay, when we found out what had happened. I was disappointed you weren’t there when I woke, but I soon found out why that way.”

“Sorry,” Steve jokes and gets an eye roll in return.

“Glad you’re back.”

“Me too, I missed you.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sounds shy. “We got a long while to go, but I’ll get there.” Turns out that Bucky needs to be put back in stasis here and there as well get therapy. Both for body and mind. He stays to himself for the most part, but also gets along well with others. Steve is just so happy to have him back. He never was good with goodbyes anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, as you can see, I have had issues with downloading this fic, arg. There are like three copies. Sorry about that, hope you enjoy anyway.


End file.
